The Chronicles of Ron
by Purplish
Summary: In which Ron converses with Draco Malfoy about love.
1. Colour Difference Between Animagi

**Summary:**

_**Through the temptations and distractions of Quidditch., chocolate éclairs, and the Sun, Ron does his essay! So that he can go to dinner of course.**_

Ron Weasley was sitting snugly in his seat beside his best friends, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger. He was contentedly sucking on his sugar quill and not paying any attention to McGonagall's lecture. He was deep in thought of the day events. Mainly, breakfast, lunch and dinner. In fact, he was so engrossed in what he was going to have for dinner that he didn't hear his Transfiguration professor calling him.

"Mister Weasley! Mister Weasley! **Mister Weasley!**" McGonagall screeched, face contorted in anger, frustration at its fullest.

"Ron!" Hermione hissed, jabbing Ron painfully in the ribs, promptly bringing him out of his imaginary turkey dinner. "What?" he hissed back, rubbing his side pitifully.

"Mister Weasley! Can I finally have your attention?" McGonagall questioned, face in a frown.

_"No actually. On the other hand... you may."_

Ron gulped nervously and gave her a small nod. "I've been noticing Mister Weasley, that your concentration in class and your assignments have not been up to my standards lately. May I ask why?"

_"No one is ever up to your standards."_

"... Well Professor, it's just that...quidditch has been troubling me. With the final match and all..." Ron trailed, desperately hoping that McGonagall would believe his reason.

"Then perhaps Mister Weasley, you should quit from the quidditch team so that you can concentrate on your education," McGonagall stated.

_"Are you mad, woman?!"_

"No! I mean, it's not just quidditch practice, my prefect duties have also dragged me down..." Ron quickly said. McGonagall merely raised an eyebrow.

He knew quite well that McGonagall did not believe him due to the fact that he had stopped attending prefect meetings three months ago.

_"Who wants to listen to that ferret anyway?"_

"But I promise Professor, I'll pay more attention in class!" Ron offered, almost pleading and very pathetic. McGonagall scrutinized him carefully before giving him a slight nod.

_"Lucky-"_

"As I was asking the class earlier, how many transfiguration disasters have happened this century, Mister Weasley, would you answer that please."

_"Not."_

Ron shifted in his seat. He didn't know the answer!

_"Who would? Oh wait! Hermione would!"_

As inconspicuously as he could, he pleadingly glanced at Hermione. Hermione swiftly ignored him and was looking straight at the board.

'_Bloody load of help she is!_'

Ron then looked at Harry, who was just as confused as he was. Sighing, Ron blurted the first number that came to his mind.

"52? No-make that 53! No... No... 34! On the other hand, 37 does sound better... Maybe 21?"

"Mister Weasley! Choose already!"

"Right, right, hmm... 89 it is then!"

"You're right Mister Weasley, a point to Gryffindor," McGonagall said, face clearly surprised that Ron knew the answer. Ron gave out a small sigh of relief. Grinning happily, he continued his dreams of dinner....only to be interrupted once again by McGonagall.

_"Now what?! That was my chicken you disrupting!"_

"Mister Weasley! Hand in your assignment please."

'_Can't she leave me alone?_'

Exasperated, Ron stood up and gave McGonagall his paper on the _Colour Difference Between Animagi_.

He had barely started thinking of desert when he heard his professor's sharp voice again.

"You know Mister Weasley, your paper lacks description."

_"Description? Who bloody cares? At least I did it."_

"They do not give me enough information to know the outcome of the Animagi. In fact, your assignments have been lacking in details."

_"That's it! I have to find another person to copy from! Maybe Seamus?"_

"Tell me, how long do you take to write your papers?"

'_Bloody hell..._'

"...Well, around half an hour Professor."

_"If only she knew this one took me 10 minutes..."_

"And what do you do the whole day?"

"Well, first thing in the morning, there's breakfast."

_"The most important meal you know. And the eggs here are good. But so are the ones at the Leaky Cauldron. And so are the ones that Mum makes! Waffles are also nice though..."_

"Then, there's lessons. After that, there's lunch."

_"Also a very important meal..."_

"Next there are more lessons, Quidditch practice and finally dinner."

_"The best meal of the day if I can say so."_

"Afterwards, I plan Quidditch tactics, complete my assignments and lastly go to bed. Unless I'm hungry again and sneak down to the kitch... Never mind. That's about it Professor."

_"It's those blasted lessons that take up my time Professor! Just cut them shorter and you won't get them anymore descriptive!"_

"I can see why you have been slacking. You have not been organizing your time properly. I expect you to redo this paper and hand it back to me tonight Mister Weasley."

_"Fussy, uptight, crackpot of a teacher!"_

"And I will make sure that you will not have any dinner till I receive your paper!"

'_Nooooooooooooooo! Anything else, just not dinner!_'

"...Yes Professor."

"Ron, you coming for Quidditch practice?" Harry asked, his Firebolt perched over his left shoulder.

"No Harry. I have to finish this by dinner!" Ron muttered, staring hard at his Transfiguration book, not understanding a word.

_"And if you had let me borrow your essay yesterday night, I wouldn't be in this predicament! You just had to go all Hermione-y on me."_

"Right, see you later mate."

Ron sighed and set down his sugar quill. He was determined to finish the paper well enough such that McGonagall would have no chance of discriminating it.

_"Not true... just so that she won't make me redo it again."_

And more importantly, let him down to dinner! They were having cherry tarts and lamb roast tonight! Now, if only he could concentrate!

Ron sat in a far corner of the common room where no one passed by. A seat he had specifically chose due to the view.

_"I need to see the sky! You deny a young boy his brooms!"_

Which Hermione had argued that he didn't need a view, cause he would be staring at his book. And had later added that it would divert his attention from his assignment.

_"She's a bit of prat, she is. A boy my age needs his views other than all these words. And I can write my essay!"_

However, the window in front distracted him from his work as the red and gold clothed players were flying around.

'_I should be out there too... Blocking the Quaffle..._'

He followed a particular chaser around with his eyes, essay forgotten.

_"Good figure that one has... In flying I mean."_

That was, until a certain bookworm stalked by.

"Ron! You should be doing your work! Not watching Quidditch! Professor McGonagall will be mad if you don't do it by the end of today!"

"I can't concentrate."

"I told you not to sit in front of the window! You boys are all the same! Not a thought for your work, but plenty for Quidditch!"

"Not true!"

_"Well... It is actually."_

"I just can't concentrate. The... Sun is too bright."

Hermione seemed to ponder for awhile, before her eyes sparkled with delight.

"Of course! There's this spell we can use! I read it in '_Spells and Charms for the Unfocused and Preoccupied_'. **_Obvolvo_**." Hermione muttered, pointing her wand at the window.

Immediately, the window sealed itself up, preventing sunlight from entering in, and preventing anyone from looking out.

"There! All better. Now there's nothing stopping you from concentrating on your Transfiguration."

_"Oh yes, absolutely marvelous! Now I can stare at the nice red wall instead!"_

"Thank you Hermione," Ron said grimly. "Don't you have anywhere you have to go?" He asked, not wanting her to stay and lecture anymore.

"Oh yes! I have to meet with Draco!"

_"The bouncy little twitchy ferret."_

Ron scowled. He hated the prissy git who called himself her boyfriend. "Go along with Drakie then," he said shooing her off.

_"Better him than me, I say. McGonagall Junior she is."_

Hermione glared at him before exiting the common room to visit her fellow head.

Ron stared blankly at his parchment.

'_What the hell can I write?_'

Picking up the Transfiguration textbook he had tossed aside, he once again read through the paragraphs of information.

_"Animagi's tend to..."_

Half and hour later, Ron was half-way done with his essay.

_"Remind myself to claim at all times that she had asked for one, and not three, rolls of parchment."_

Deciding that he deserved a break, he laid down his quill and stretched luxuriously. Looking around, he noticed that there were not much people in the common room.

'_Seamus and Dean... Chess... Ginny... Exploding Snap... Colin... Photographs... Lavender... Gossiping.... 3rd Years... Chocolate éclairs... Neville... **Wait a minute!** Chocolate éclairs! My favourite!_'

Ron gawked at the 3rd year's éclairs. Unknowingly, he started drooling. It seemed so long since he had last eaten, and dinner was still 2 hours away...

'_Chocolate éclairs... Chocolate éclairs... Butterbeer..._'

The third year's noticed Ron's staring and started shifting about nervously. They all knew about Ron's ferocious appetite, and they had worked hard to sneak out those éclairs!

_"Chocolate éclairs... chocolate éclairs..."_

They gathered around to discuss something. Within a moment, one of them grabbed the large plate and ran up into the dorm, the rest of them collecting the butterbeers and running after him.

_"Selfish gits!"_

Ron groaned miserably as the éclairs drifted out of his view. His stomach rumbled and he groaned again. Picking up the bitten quill, he started once more on his essay, this time with more ideas in his head.

"Here's the essay professor," Ron said as he handed the piece of parchment over to McGonagall. He had worked hard on it and had even done an extra two inches!

_"Dinner... dinner... dinner..."_

"Thank you Mister Weasley you are free to go now."

Ron happily skipped down to the Great Hall to have his long-awaited dinner with his two best friends who did absolutely nothing to help him.

'_Lamb roast and cherry tart, I'm coming now!_'

McGonagall was in her office, marking Ron Weasley's paper. She gave out a sigh of exasperation as she finished reading. It was obvious that the boy had not focused! However, the essay was better than the last one.

A low rumble in her tummy caused McGonagall to blush. She had a sudden craving for Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans and éclairs, preferable chocolate. McGonagall left her office to have dinner, only rolling up Ron's parchment midway, leaving the last paragraph free for anyone to read.

"**The colours tend to change with the Animagi's characteristics. It can be as brown as the crème found in chocolate éclairs, as black as Pepper Imps or as yellow as the corn served at dinner. It can even be as orange as pumpkin juice! No matter what food colour it is associated with, there is always a special feature to each Animagi, such as there is a different ****flavour to every Bertie Bott Bean found in the box.**"


	2. Dreaming of Millicent and Cows

**Summary:**

**In which Ron tells Harry about his utterly horrid nightmare**

> "Ron. Hey Ron. Roooooooooonnnnn. Ron!! Wake up! Hey. Wake up! Ronniekins, wake up!" Harry Potter shook his best friend awake.
> 
> "Huh-huh what?!" Ron asked groggily.
> 
> "You were making disturbing noises. I couldn't sleep," Harry replied, pointing towards himself.
> 
> Ron stared at Harry as if he had a purple moustache on his upper lip. With purple cheeks to go with it.
> 
> And then realization kicked in.
> 
> "_Oh Harry_! I had the most horrid, horrible, horrendous, horrifying-"
> 
> "I think they all mean the same thing Ron-"
> 
> "- dream!"
> 
> "_Dream?!_ What was it Ron?! Did someone get injured? Killed? Tortured perhaps? Was Voldemort in it? Was he the one torturing? Killing?" Harry asked, getting worked up.
> 
> "You are one morbid, paranoid freak Harry. _No_. My dream wasn't about people injured, dying, or tortured. Neither was You-Know-Who injuring, killing, or torturing."
> 
> **There was a pause.**
> 
> "You know, you really need some help Harry. Go to a psycho-tist or something. Or are they psycho-ticks?"
> 
> "Psychiatrist, Ron."
> 
> "Oh right! Psychictrists."
> 
> "You need to have your hearing checked, Ron. They're getting worst each day!"
> 
> "My hearing is perfectly fine! It's just those Sense Cease tarts the twins gave me last week. Hasn't properly worn off yet."
> 
> "But Ron! The ones you took were supposed to make you blind, not deaf!"
> 
> "Oh right! Now I remember! I ran into the Ferret and thought he was you! Don't know why I ever mistook the two of you. After all, he has much softer skin, and a much taller frame. And he's so much muscular than you too. And his hair is silkier, and his face is sharper, and his walk his more elegant, his speech is more refined, his clothes are more--"
> 
> "_Wait_, _wait_! How did you know that is face is _sharper_? And how can you even _see_ his walk? He didn't even say a word! And I have skin as soft as him, thank you very much! And he is only taller by me then _an_ inch! And as far as I'm concerned, he sits on that broomstick of his just as much as I do, so he probably has the same muscles as I do! And have you been_ touching _his hair?!" Harry practically shrieked.
> 
> "Hermione's not going to like this." He added, in a much more solemn tone.
> 
> "Don't be a prat! I just notice all these when he walks pass or—Never mind, Harry! Back to my dream now!"
> 
> "Right, right."
> 
> "Well, I was in the Great Hall. And all four tables had food on them."
> 
> "Really?! I never knew the tables held _food_!" Harry cried dramatically.
> 
> "Shut up Harry."
> 
> **A grin and a pause.**
> 
> "As I was saying, the tables had food on them—Stop snickering Harry!—Right, and I headed over to the _Slytherin_ table."
> 
> **A shudder. Followed by another. And another. And another. And another.**
> 
> "Stop that!" Harry said, shuddering himself.
> 
> **One last shudder and both stop.**
> 
> "Right.... So then I sit down, next to _Millicent Bulstrode_!"
> 
> **A large gasp.**
> 
> "_You didn't_!"
> 
> "_I did_!"
> 
> "_No_!"
> 
> "_Yes_!"
> 
> **Another loud gasp.**
> 
> "Well then, what next?"
> 
> "Oh, right. I reached for a plate of waffles. And they were best I ever saw, Harry!"
> 
> "Best you ever _saw_?"
> 
> "_Yes_, the best_ I_ ever saw. They were exactly golden brown and the little squares-"
> 
> "Little squares?"
> 
> "- Yes, the little squares, were perfectly _perfect._"
> 
> "Wow, perfectly _perfect_."
> 
> "And smoke was arising from the stack-"
> 
> "Steam, I believe."
> 
> "And it looked perfectly delightable!"
> 
> "Delightable? That's not a word, I think you mean delectable."
> 
> **A stare.**
> 
> "You're becoming more like Hermione."
> 
> "_I am not!_"
> 
> "_Yes you are!_"
> 
> "_Not!_"
> 
> "_Are!_"
> 
> "_Not!_"
> 
> "_Are!_"
> 
> "Can you two_ shut up_? I'm trying to sleep over here!"
> 
> "Sorry Seamus."
> 
> **Seamus goes back to sleep while Ron turns back to Harry.**
> 
> "As I was saying, I reached out for my stack of waffles _when Millicent snatched them away!_"
> 
> **A large, unbelievable gasp.**
> 
> "_She didn't!_"
> 
> "_She did!_"
> 
> "_She di-_"
> 
> ****
> 
> "_SHUT UP!_"
> 
> "Anyway, she ate them all in one large swallow!"
> 
> "Ate them in one large swallow? I don't think that's-"
> 
> "Possible? That's what I thought!"
> 
> "_No_, I don't think your grammar is correct."
> 
> "Hermione Number Two."
> 
> **A glare.**
> 
> **A sigh.**
> 
> "So do you want to listen to the rest of it?"
> 
> "Fine."
> 
> "So I reached for the pile of toast, but it was snatched away again!"
> 
> "By Millicent?"
> 
> "No! By a cow!"
> 
> "Oh... Pansy Parkinson?"
> 
> "No! A _cow_... you know... that muggle animal that goes _'Moo'_...?"__
> 
> ****
> 
> "Oh right that _kind_ of cow."
> 
> "How many types of cows are there, Harry?"
> 
> "Well, there's the Rita Skeeter type, and Pansy Parkinson type, there's the Dudley type and then there's that-"
> 
> "Never mind Harry."
> 
> **A pause.**
> 
> "So the cow ate the toast?"
> 
> "No, it placed...spi...sp-id...sp-ide... spid--er..."
> 
> "Spiders?"
> 
> **Terrified shriek.**
> 
> "Shut up! Shut up! _Shut up!!!_"
> 
> **Seamus glares before rolling to the other side of the bed.**
> 
> "You know, I never imagined a cow actually taking a plate and covering it with spiders. I mean how can it grip onto the plate without hands? I mean... hoofs?"
> 
> "It used its mouth."
> 
> **A blink.**
> 
> "That's disgusting."
> 
> "I know."
> 
> **Another blink.**
> 
> "So of course, I run towards the Ravenclaw table instead. But—but-"
> 
> "But...?"
> 
> "The food turned to a giant teddy bear!"
> 
> "Teddy bear?"
> 
> "Teddy bear!"
> 
> "Oh. That's... odd isn't it?"
> 
> "No it isn't! I love Mister Rocky!"
> 
> "Who's Mister Rocky?"
> 
> **Horrified look.**
> 
> "Oh! Oh! It's that old toy right at the bottom of your trunk isn't it?!"
> 
> **Another horrified look.**
> 
> "How'd you know about that?"
> 
> "Oh... Long story! Back to the dream please!"
> 
> **A long stare.**
> 
> "Right, so I hug Mister Rocky and bring him to the Hufflepuff table. And there's this big bowl of porridge that catches my eye, naturally."
> 
> "Naturally."
> 
> "So I began eating it. And there are these black bits in it. Thought they were raisins."
> 
> **Shudder.**
> 
> "Why are you shuddering?"
> 
> "Because the bits were... they were... _SPIDER EYES!_"
> 
> Large gasp.
> 
> "_No!_"
> 
> "_Yes_."
> 
> "_No!_"
> 
> "_Yes!_"
> 
> "_No!_"
> 
> "_Ye-_"
> 
> "SHUT UP! Don't you people know that it's time to sleep?!!"
> 
> "Sorry."
> 
> **Pause.**
> 
> "I'm wondering, how did you know they were spiders'? Why not newts?"
> 
> "Harry, it's my dream, I know better."
> 
> **Harry gets hit by a pillow. Followed by another. And another.**
> 
> "_SHUT UP!_"
> 
> "Ron! Finish up your dream quick! Seven minutes only!" Seamus commands.
> 
> "_Seven_?"
> 
> "Yes, seven!"
> 
> **Intake of breath.**
> 
> "So I spit it out, only to find that I had spat it on _Snape_, who had _McGonagall_ around his waist. And he _didn't_ give me any detention because he was too busy talking nonsense to her!"
> 
> "Wait stop!"
> 
> "What? I'm trying to be quick here!"
> 
> "What do you mean by _nonsense_?"
> 
> "You know! Sweetheart...love... precious..._honey_..."
> 
> **Shudder.**
> 
> "Hurry it up!"
> 
> "Fine. Fine."
> 
> **Intake of breath.**
> 
> "So _Dumbledore_ comes in and argue with Snape over McGonagall's hand for _marriage_! I, however was heading over to the Gryffindor table to eat. As I pull over a plate of scones, Dumbledore starts dueling with Snape! Worst still, Snape's hex missed Dumbledore, and hit my _plate_ instead!"
> 
> "Let me guess, the scones turned to spiders?"
> 
> "Oh no Harry, it was worse."
> 
> "Really? What happened?"
> 
> "They turned into my _Mum_! Real small versions of my _Mum_! Many versions of my _Mum_! With _howlers_ in their hands! I try to run out of the hall, but Millicent and the cow pulls-bite, me back. Then Mister Rocky sits on me, but Dumbledore's spell misses and it turns to a big hairy spider instead! Then the howlers explode and all I hear is Hermione and you telling me to _study_ and _study _and _study_, all the while the spider's _licking_ me!"
> 
> "That's all?"
> 
> "Yeah, that's all."
> 
> "It wasn't _that_ horrible."
> 
> "Yeah, it was worse than what I had thought."
> 
> "Time's up!" Seamus announced.
> 
> "We still had 9 seconds!"
> 
> **A glare.**
> 
> "Alright, alright, we're going to bed. Goodnight Ron, Seamus."
> 
> "Night Harry."
> 
> "_Finally_! Silence!"
> 
> **Lights are turned off. There is silence for the next 14 minutes 23 seconds.**
> 
> "You know Harry, we gasp too much."
> 
> "_Do not!_"
> 
> "_Do too._"
> 
> "_Do not_!"
> 
> "_Do too!_"
> 
> "_Do n-_"
> 
> "_SILENCIO!_"
> 
> **And all is quiet once again.**


	3. Exposing the Future

> > > > **14th June, Monday: **_I shall be attacked by Flobberworms._
>>>> 
>>>> "Flobberworms, Ron? I would love to see that!"
>>>> 
>>>> "Honestly Ron! That is utterly ludicrous. After all, the most Flobberworms can-"
>>>> 
>>>> "**_Thank you_** Hermione."
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **15th June, Tuesday:** _I shall get stung by a poisonous butterfly, which will lead me to stay in the hospital wing for the rest of the day._
>>>> 
>>>> "Harry, are there poisonous butterflies?"
>>>> 
>>>> "Yeah I think so... Monac or something-"
>>>> 
>>>> "Monarch, Harry. Or in scientific terms-"
>>>> 
>>>> "Thanks Hermione."
>>>> 
>>>> "But Ron! The Monarch butterflies don't-"
>>>> 
>>>> "**_Thank you_** Hermione."
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **16th June, Wednesday: **_The Giant Squid shall pull me into lake and keep me under for a good twenty minutes._
>>>> 
>>>> "You'll be dead by then Ron. The most should be around 3."
>>>> 
>>>> "At least make the lies believable! Like-"
>>>> 
>>>> "**_Thank you_** Hermione."
>>>> 
>>>> **16th** **June, Wednesday:** _The Giant Squid shall pull me into the lake and keep me under for 3minutes._
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **17th June, Thursday:** _A book shall bite off all my fingers._
>>>> 
>>>> "Haven't you used that before?"
>>>> 
>>>> "Nope. The other was that the books will rip out my throat."
>>>> 
>>>> "Books don't do that! That's absolutely ghastly! They're the-"
>>>> 
>>>> "**_Thank you_** Hermione."
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **18th June, Friday:** _A large frog will sit on me, breaking all my bones._
>>>> 
>>>> "A _large frog_?"
>>>> 
>>>> "Yes! A large frog."
>>>> 
>>>> "That's nonsensical! Giant frogs indeed!"
>>>> 
>>>> "**_Thank you ever so much_** for your opinion Hermione."
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **19th June, Saturday:** _A bludger will knock me in the head._
>>>> 
>>>> "Not much damage will be done though."
>>>> 
>>>> "What do you mean?"
>>>> 
>>>> "Why Ronald, your incredibly thick head-"
>>>> 
>>>> "You're becoming very mean nowadays, Hermione."
>>>> 
>>>> "Just stating the facts Ron."
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **20th June, Sunday:** _Fire shall scorch me fiercely._
>>>> 
>>>> "What're you going to do? Put your head in the fireplace?"
>>>> 
>>>> "Shut up!"
>>>> 
>>>> "She has a point Ron. It is-"
>>>> 
>>>> "Shut up!"
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **21st June, Monday: **_Owls will peck me during breakfast._
>>>> 
>>>> "I'm sure they rather peck the food, Ron."
>>>> 
>>>> "Stop criticizing me!"
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **22h June, Tuesday: **_A werewolf will bite me in the middle of the night._
>>>> 
>>>> "That's not nice Ron! Have you forgotten Remus is a werewolf?"
>>>> 
>>>> "I'm sure he won't mind Harry. After all, this is my homework we're talking about."
>>>> 
>>>> "Your _fake-work_ more like it."
>>>> 
>>>> "You're hanging around too much with Malfoy!"
>>>> 
>>>> "Am not, besides, don't you think that the werewolf would have better things to do than visit you at night?"
>>>> 
>>>> "Who in their sense of mind _wouldn't_ want to visit me? **_Stop snickering you two!_**"
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **23rd June, Wednesday:** _A mysterious stalker shall strangle me._
>>>> 
>>>> "_Stalker_? I wasn't aware you had a stalker."
>>>> 
>>>> "I'm amazed someone would want to stalk you."
>>>> 
>>>> "Luna would I bet."
>>>> 
>>>> "That girl would stalk anyone!"
>>>> 
>>>> "Can you two stop making fun?!"
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **24th June, Thursday:** _I shall choke on my food which will leave me with a damaged throat for days._
>>>> 
>>>> "You've choked many times, Ron. Yet your throat has never been damaged."
>>>> 
>>>> "I have not choked many times! Just once or twice."
>>>> 
>>>> "Or four or five..."
>>>> 
>>>> "Malfoy's infecting you Hermione!"
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **25th June, Wednesday: **_A portrait will fall on me._
>>>> 
>>>> "Aren't the portraits secured to the walls?"
>>>> 
>>>> "Yes they are. I read in Hogwarts; A History, that a spell-"
>>>> 
>>>> "**_Thank you _**Hermione."
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **26th June, Saturday:** _I will fall from my broom during the Quidditch match and break my back._
>>>> 
>>>> "Isn't it _Ravenclaw _against _Slytherin_?"
>>>> 
>>>> "Yes, the winner gets into the finals. I hope Ravenclaw wins."
>>>> 
>>>> "They have no chance. Slytherin will win."
>>>> 
>>>> "Only because Slytherin cheats."
>>>> 
>>>> "They do not! They're just a bit... rough."
>>>> 
>>>> "...Right."
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **27th June, Sunday:** _I shall fall down the stairs and break my arms._
>>>> 
>>>> "There seems to be a lot falling in that particular week."
>>>> 
>>>> "What can I say, it's an unlucky week."
>>>> 
>>>> "For an unlucky klutz."
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **28th June, Monday: **_Lightning shall strike me._
>>>> 
>>>> "There hasn't been any rain for the past week Ron. And neither will it rain on Monday."
>>>> 
>>>> "And you know because...?"
>>>> 
>>>> "Because _I _read the weather report on the Daily Prophet."
>>>> 
>>>> "I never knew they had a weather report."
>>>> 
>>>> "It's right at the back Harry."
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **29th June, Tuesday:** _A fat orange cat will claw my eyes out._
>>>> 
>>>> "**_Ron Weasley!_** How dare you insult my cat like that! Crookshanks does not claw people's eyes out! How can you do something like this to a poor defenseless creature?"
>>>> 
>>>> "The poor defenseless creature as you put it tried to bite my leg that evening!"
>>>> 
>>>> "Only because you kicked it!"
>>>> 
>>>> "Because it's pestered me!"
>>>> 
>>>> "Actually Ron, it just brushed past you."
>>>> 
>>>> "Oh. Sorry Hermione."
>>>> 
>>>> "And...?"
>>>> 
>>>> "And...?"
>>>> 
>>>> "Crookshanks of course."
>>>> 
>>>> "That mangy, old, orange- Sorry Crookshanks."
>>>> 
>>>> **29th June, Tuesday:** _A fat orange cat will claw my eyes out unintentionally._
>>>> 
>>>> "Ron!"
>>>> 
>>>> * * *
>>>> 
>>>> **30th June, Wednesday: **_A white, old owl will pull my hair off.****_
>>>> 
>>>> "_Ron!_ Hedwig does not pull people's hair off! And she is not old!"
>>>> 
>>>> "Harry, Harry, it's not true, you know it, I know it, Hermione knows it."
>>>> 
>>>> "I don't care, just change it."
>>>> 
>>>> "Fine."
>>>> 
>>>> "Really Ron, you should stop writing about people's pets."
>>>> 
>>>> **30th June, Wednesday:**_ A white, not-so-old owl will pull my hair off by accident._


	4. Falling in Denial

"Weasley! Hey, Weasley! Wait up!"

Ron turned around, utterly bewildered; not believing his eyes, ears and nose.

_'They're not working properly—Oh sweet Merlin! They are! Same bouncy ferret, same ugly voice, same rich smell! Dear, dear, dear, dear Merlin!'_

Ron sucked in his breath as Draco Malfoy approached him.

"Honestly Weasley, which part of_ wait up _did you not understand?"

_'The wait obviously.'_

"What do you want Malfoy?"

_'Dear Merlin, is he actually hurt?'_

"Can't I talk to a fellow schoolmate?"

"Not to me you can't."

"Oh come _on_ Ronald, why the cold shoulder?"

"What do you mean Malfoy? We have _always_ acted like this!"

"Really? I don't recall. Care to remind me?"

"Certainly."

And thus, Ron proceeded to ruffle through his thoughts in search of an ideal example out of the many-no, countless- incidents.

"Well?"

"Quiet! I'm thinking!"

"I wasn't aware that you could think."

Ron's ears began to turn to the familiar shade of red.

"There! A perfect example! You've just insulted me!"

"You call _that_ an insult, Weasley? I was just being curious- honest!"

Ron scowled at the bleached blonde.

_'Honest, I think not!'_

"You know Ronald, you're quite sensitive"

_'Insufferable prat! I'll strangle you one day... you just wait!'_

"Then stop talking to me!"

**A sigh.**

"I can't. Hermione insists that I'd be friends with you."

"Oh."

**Silence.**

"So... When's your birthday, Ronald?"

Ron gaped at Malfoy.

_'Is he insane?'_

"Excuse me?"

"When, is, your, birthday, Ronald?"

Ron's eyes bulged out.

_'Dear Merlin, he is!'_

"... Third of March."

"_Third?_ Kind of fitting ain't it? You being the third member of the Golden Trio and all..."

_'What in Merlin is he up to?'_

"I'm the second actually, Hermione's the third."

"No, no, Ronald. I'm correct. Potter's the leader, Hermione's the brains, and you're the sidekick. So you're the last."

"I am _not_! I'm the comic relief! I'm the second!"

"It's alright Ronald, there's no need for denial about being the most useless member."

"I am not useless!'

"That's what _they_ always say."

"Who's _they_?"

"Oh, you don't know _them_?"

"No Malfoy, I don't. Now who's _them_?"

"Well Weasley, I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because."

_'Because? BECAUSE? Is he a bloody 5-year-old?'_

"Fine. Whatever. I don't care."

"Okay."

_'Prat. Prat-prat-prat-prat-prat-prat-prat -prat-prat -prat-prat -prat-prat -prat-prat -prat-prat -prat-prat'_

"So..."

_'Now what?'_

"So...?"

"So.......?"

"So.............?"

"So...................?"

"So...........................?"

"So......................................?"

_'Oh for the sweet love of Merlin-'_

"Heard that you fancy Luna Lovegood."

_'**What?** Oh dear Merlin! Harry told him? Harry actually told him? Oh bloody Merlin!'_

"N-No, 'of course not."

"Whatever you say Ronald, but I know love when I see it."

_'Love? Love?? **Love???**'_

"Hey- you alright? You're turning red- yellow- orange- my, Weasley, you just have the whole rainbow on your face. That's absolutely amazing!"

"I don't _-love-_ her!"

"Oh _dear_ Ronald, do not fret, you too shall pass the stage of denial I was once in."

_'Dear Merlin, Malfoy, _**_Malfoy!_**_ - is talking to me about love. _**_Love! _**_This is mad. Absolutely mad!'_

Ron shuddered as Malfoy sighed dreamily, still looking into space with that particularly love-sick face that disturbed Ron quite badly.

_'Merlin, I need to escape!'_

"Hey, isn't that Hermione?"

Immediately, Malfoy broke out his trance, head shooting up and eyes alert.

"I don't see her Weasley."

He turned around, only to find he was alone in the deserted hallway.

"Weasley?"


End file.
